... moving forward, moving on ...

"Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life."

proverbs 4:23

Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever
and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.

psalm 61:1-4

after a few days of contemplation, reflection, and prayer, i think it's time to move forward and move on in life. the weird thing is that it's not as though i've been stuck in a rut for the past 3 or 4 months or anything, i've actually been growing and learning quite a bit. and yet, i feel as though i'm back in the same place i was at the beginning of september. it's quite the odd feeling actually. needless to say, i think that moving on is what's best... moving on from what? you ask. well i think it's time to let go and let God.... let go of past hurts, let go of any bitterness and envy, let go of "feelings", and well let go of the past, not dwelling in it, but learning from it. BUT, i should add that in the letting go process is the cherishing process... cherishing the good times, cherishing lessons learned, cherishing memories, cherishing life, love, family and friends.

proverbs 4:23 is a verse that was re-introduced to me back in the summer. it was something that i had learned as a child, and i guess hadn't really resonated as much while i was growing up. since the summer, however, i've kinda made it my mandate: to guard my heart ... cuz confession time: i never was really good at guarding it, and thus letting it fall vulnerable to waves of emotion. so since then, i've made more of a conscious effort to guard it, trying not to be swayed by emotion so much. however, despite all the efforts to guard it, there have still been a number of situations that have arisen over the past couple of months that have really taken its toll... enter psalm 61... which pretty much reflects where i've been at and how i've been feeling for the past few months, weeks, days, etc. and well, i think verse 4 really captures the heart of what i've been longing for: to just take shelter under His wings... to find comfort, to find peace... and truthfully, i think that can only fully happen when i've let go of the past and started striving for the future.. clean slate and all. i know the Christmas season and the new year, bring much promise... but i don't think that i can be as excited about it until i've been renewed and refreshed after all the drama that has gone on in the past while. and thus... moving forward = moving on (as scary as moving on seems). :P

on a different note... i've been going through that 'Guide through the Bible' that i mentioned a few blogs back... and i've just been reading through the story of the Israelites, and i've come to realize that i may have more i common with them than initially thought. the Israelites had severe trust issues... despite all the miraculous things God did, they still failed to fully trust in Him. similarly, i think i've got trust issues. don't know if it's just a girl thing, or if it's a human thing... but there are times in which i'm very skeptical about trusting people, and to some extent trusting God. but then there are other times in which i just tell people things, regardless of whether they're trustworthy of not (not so good at the heart-guarding as you can see). so it's like i'm a living dichotomy. ANYways... the consequences the Israelites had to face consisted of 40 years in the desert and never being able to see the land God promised. thankfully, God hasn't set that kind of consequence for me (yet), but i think learning to fully trust in God is definitely something that i need to work on (in addition to guarding the heart).

(didn't really know where i was going with this... but my mind's drawing a blank now :P )... till later i guess :)